Some Things Never Change…and They Shouldn’t

I’m blessed to have a large circle of friends and associates. There are guys and girls all over the country I enjoy talking to on a daily basis, whether it be in the virtual realm or real life. I’m equally blessed in that the people who I’ve shared my story with — those who know the real me, like me. They love me AND they like me. (Loving a person doesn’t always mean you like him or her.) I love the open dialogue I’ve established with my circle because it allows me to see things through different eyes. One thing that has been pressing on me is how people change after their hearts have been broken.

I’m a member of several large women’s groups across the internet and one thing that I hear quite often is that some women refuse to love as hard as they’ve loved in the past because they were hurt, misused, taken advantage of, taken for granted, or they just refuse to give their all because of what they’ve seen others go through. Now I know there are plenty of men out there who’ve been dragged through hell by someone who didn’t deserve their goodness and in a later post, I’ll address that, but let me tell you about Trease.

The Marriage

Everyone knows how much I loved my ex-husband. I loved him enough to marry him in the first place, then I moved some 1036 miles away to live what I thought would be happily ever after. I took my vows seriously. I stayed there through better or worse. I stayed there through thick and thin. I stayed there through sickness and in health. Well, happily ever after ended on April 5, 2013. I had every intention of staying single for the first five years following that divorce. I had not come to that decision out of fear of being hurt, because I was angry, or anything like that. I just didn’t want to be with anybody.

Almost everyone said they were surprised that I would want to be with anyone else at any point following that crap, but I refused to let one man’s ignorance determine how I treated the next one.

*THE* Relationship

Y’all know that my old thing became my new thing again. When we reconnected, it was for the third time. By that time, we had both seen the true sides of the people we’d married. We’d both had our hearts and feelings thrashed by ones who entered those unions with ulterior motives. We had so, so much in common. I mean so much that if you had heard us from a distance, you’d think we were best buddies. If you were to have seen us, though, you’d know that what we had was almost magical. I loved him. I struggled with adding the letter “d” to the word love because he will always have my heart, but here we are.

Anyway, I gave him everything that I knew a man needed. He knew that I loved him because I constantly showed him. He got the random texts, sometimes filled with filth that I knew would make him crack up. He got the emails filled with encouragement because I knew he was being battered through his own divorce. He got the phone calls when, in my spirit, I could sense he needed to talk but was a little too proud to call. He finally learned that I was his shoulder. He finally learned that regardless of what happened, I had his back. He knew if he needed me, all he had to do was call. The fact that we couldn’t keep our hands off each other was just icing on the multi-layered German chocolate cake that was both our favorite. I loved giving him gifts, not because he had not received real ones from the woman he’d been married to, but because I knew he would be happy. I got him things he wanted and needed. I let him vent and I never judged him.

One of the most important things I gave that man was my full heart. I had taken it back from the man I had been married to because he’d trampled it without abandon. I didn’t expect it to be shredded again, but alas, here we are.

Next Time

I plan to love without abandon when love comes my way again. I plan to make the man who stands by my side feel like a king. Why? Because I refuse to allow the fact that my love wasn’t accepted and appreciated by one person (…two in this case) be the reason that I stifle myself and not be true in my efforts to show the next man what he means to me. I go out of my way to show my love and I will do that next time around. It’s not my fault that the ones I gave it to before did not want it. The next one will get the full Trease. Whether or not he holds on to it is up to him.

 

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