In Honor of These Holidays

For the longest time, Christmas was my favorite holiday. I guess in a way, it still is, but Thanksgiving runs a very close second. I wish there was a way to combine the two.

I guess in a sense, all those days between the fourth Thursday in November and the first day of January are combined into one season of celebration.There’s pre-Thanksgiving dinner (my family has done this for years because my nephew always leaves for New Orleans on Thanksgiving Day), actual Thanksgiving dinner (even though we’ve never, ever set a designated time to eat — we just eat when we’re hungry).

There’s pre-Thanksgiving dinner (my family has done this for years because my nephew always leaves for New Orleans on Thanksgiving Day), actual Thanksgiving dinner (even though we’ve never, ever set a designated time to eat — we just eat when we’re hungry).

Missing Her So Much

My motherMama’s birthday is December 16th. I can’t, and probably never will be able to say it “was” December 16th because in so many ways, my mom is still alive to me and I’ll never let her go. No, I’m not delusional — I know she’s gone physically, but her spirit is always around me. I always sense her presence. We always had a party of some sort for her and regardless of how big or small, she was thrilled. The biggest one we had for her was her 75th. William, Will, and I drove down from Denver to join nearly everybody in our community to help her celebrate. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her happier. I will never forget how honored and genuinely surprised she was that so many people were there to help her celebrate. The holiday season is just not the same without her, but I know that she’s resting.

Christmas was difficult for us last year. Christmas Day was almost two months to the day that Mama left us and as hard as we tried to be joyous, there was an incredible heaviness in the air. We tried, but we just couldn’t get the day going. I’m hoping this year will be a little better.

The Future

This time next year, I will be settled in my own home again in Dallas. I’ve decided to move back to the city. I miss the busyness of the city. I miss having too much to do. It took me a long, long time to come to a firm decision to move back, but it’s what I’m going to do. I want to be closer to my granddaughter and eventually, Will is going back to Dallas. It’s where I belong. I love my sisters and brother, but it’s time for me to go.

Next holiday season, I will begin to rebuild memory with my son and granddaughter.

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