Just Hold On

A friend posted a link to an article regarding a topic I’ve written on before, but I think it deserves revisiting. There is so much societal focus on relationships and the stigma a person can face when one isn’t “boo’d up”. Let me tell you what I know.

In the spirit of transparency, I will tell you that the thought of being single again after my divorce wasn’t something I gave a lot of thought to back in 2013 when I was finally freed from that 19-year hell. You see, I had a plan. Most people know that I tend to be extremely structural and when I tell you that I had that 5-year plan on paper, believe me. The word dating was nowhere to be found in that plan so you know if the word itself wasn’t there, the act of it wasn’t going to happen. Plans change. Man, do plans change.

Then He Came Along…again

There will be much more detail about this in my upcoming book, but pretty much everyone knows that since 1991, there have been two men in my life. I was married to one of them for 19 years and had been involved with him a total of 20 years. I’ve known him since 1987. The other one, I probably should have been married to. I’ve him since we were in elementary school. Our families are so tightly intertwined, you’d be hard-pressed to know where the line between blood relationship ends.

I’m not one to air my dirty laundry, but I also refuse to be anything but transparent so anyone who was/is on my friend list knew that I was getting divorced. Many times, I posted my location while traveling to and from Dallas because: (1) I had to leave Will alone sometimes (don’t worry, he was 18) during that time so my friends in the neighborhood knew to check on him; and (2) it allowed all the people here in Louisiana to see where I was on the road.

la-ms37Anyway, on that day in late July 2013, on one of location posts, he simply posted and said, “Have a safe trip. Hope I see you when I come home in three weeks.” My response was, “Thanks, John. I’ll be home for good by then, so I’ll see you.” Little did I know the ride I was in for. We had been in and out of each other’s lives twice, relationship-wise, by that time, but I knew that this time would be different. It was.

We headed into that thing without abandon. Where I was at the end of my divorce procedure, he would just be beginning his. He would come to lean on me more than he had ever leaned on another person in his life, even his mother. He would trust me with his deepest, darkest secrets and he knew that he could trust me with whatever was in his heart. To this very second, I have never repeated a thing he entrusted me with. He knew that I had his back. Even though we are estranged right now, he knows that I still do. I can’t go into detail about our separation right now, but I will at some point.

It Just Isn’t The Right Time

The purpose of this post is to let you all know that sometimes, it’s just not the right time. Be sure to read that article. Initially, I was devastated that we were apart, but eventually, I came to realize that plain and simple, it just wasn’t the right time. We both knew that. I acknowledged it; he never did. Does this mean that the time will never be right for us? I don’t think so. All I know is that the time is not right, right now. Does any of this mean that the right man for me is not John? I haven’t a clue, but what I do know is that one of my strongest character traits is patience and that patience is centered around God’s timing.

 

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4 thoughts on “Just Hold On

    1. Yes! I always remind people about the old “never say never” rule. Things happen at the exact moment they’re supposed to. In the meantime, we’re to stay focused on fine-tuning the areas of ours lives that need it and loving all of it.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Exactly! Sometimes you get magic (and sometimes you get blindsided but that’s neither here nor there). All part of existing and “figuring” everything out. Including ourselves.

        Liked by 1 person

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