I see you jump when you hear that key in the door. You can’t possibly know who’s going to walk through that door. It’s usually one of three people: the mad one, the happy one, or the indifferent one. Whichever one it is, you’ve been in the game long enough to know that whichever one you first encounter can become of the others so quickly, it makes your head spin.
I know you’re afraid to voice your opinion because you know in the end, you’ll feel stupid for saying anything in the first place. Even if you don’t actually feel that way at the start of the conversation, there’s always the chance that you’ll be told you are before that thing ends.
I know you’re afraid to confront the blatant infidelity because you’ve been down that road before and you know that somehow, you’ll be blamed for the indiscretion. Yeah, somehow, some way, it will be your fault that he cheated.
I know you don’t dare bring up money because somehow if it wasn’t for you, there’d be more. Even if you stay within budget and even manage to save a little extra, you will somehow mess up when it comes to money. That’s what he’ll tell you. My dear, dear woman, know that you are not alone. I lived the life you’re struggling through right now for 19 years. The abuse I lived through was so devastating, I suffered a brain hemorrhage. There is a 50% survival rate when it comes to aneurysms. People who do survive one of these medical horrors have a 50% chance of dying within 30 days of having one. The chances of surviving without some type of brain damage are one in four.
Mine happened on July 21, 2009. I believe, with all my heart, that God spared my life so that I can tell you my story. I have no residual damage and I believe that’s the case so that I can remember every single thing that happened to me over those years so that when you tell me that I don’t get it, I can tell you that I do and mean it. I believe that I remember all the pain of being told that the biggest mistake he ever made was marrying me because, you, my friend, think you’re the only one whose heart has been destroyed by words. Mine was, too.
I vowed to be transparent because you need to know that you deserve more. You need to know that your life is worth so much more. You need to know that you are a beautiful being who was born to be loved, not to be battered. You deserve to wake up, morning after morning, knowing that you’re loved, that you’re needed, and that you’re cherished. You deserve to know, I mean, from the bottom of your heart, that you mean the world to someone. You need to know that when he says I love you, he means it, unconditionally. You deserve that.
I hope that if only one thing I share with you touches your spirit in a way that you act on your own behalf to move forward a safer, healthier, happier life, you will run with it. Trust me, I’ve been there. You don’t have to stay there.
Your sister in survival,