That Lemonade

By now, everybody and their Aunt Susie has seen or at least heard Beyoncé’s Lemonade. My timelines on Twitter and Facebook lit up like Christmas trees. Immediately, the world assumed that Bey was letting us in on the things she’d experienced with Jay. After some thought and common-sense application, some begged to differ. Here’s what I think.

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Intuition

Right off the bat, Bey says, “In the tradition of men in my blood, you come home at 3 A.M. and lie to me. What are you hiding?” Just in case you need confirmation, let me assure you that she’s speaking of her daddy. That’s what the word tradition implies. We all know that Papa Knowles liked to explore and it’s no secret that his girls are aware of it. They saw it. Bless Tina’s heart for moving on and doing better.

Now, whether or not Jay was unfaithful, what Bey did was speak on that thing we all have: intuition. My intuition has seen me through so much. Whether or not I acted on it, I always knew when my ex-husband was out acting a fool. I always knew. Very little that he did blind-sided me. He was good at hiding his shenanigans, but not one thing he ever did surprised me.

Once, he had flown to Florida to spend a few days with his old college buddies. At that time, I had not met any of them. In a dream — A DREAM Y’ALL — I saw him standing next to a black car and there were two women in it. One for him, one for his friend. When he called me the second day he was there, I asked him if he had been in a black car. He was taken aback and said, “Yes.” I said, “Who were those girls?” He hung up.

When he got with that chick in Colorado Springs, it took him getting arrested to tell me, but I’m telling you guys, I knew. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I knew he had done something bad the night it happened.

Denial 

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“Are you cheating? Are you cheating on me?” Sigh. I just found myself giving that old side-eye that I’m famous for. I asked. He lied. He denied. That’s how he rolled. Lie after lie after lie. Some men would rather lie than breathe. I know several. In the book, I’m going to name names. Should the need arise (and I’m sure it will), I’ll name them here. One thing I can’t tolerate is lying.

Anger

I get where Bey is coming from in this saga. I became so angry once that I threatened to cut William’s head off and carry it around in a shoe box. I didn’t come up with the idea myself — saw it in a Melanie Griffith movie — but, I was hot enough to do it. I was tired of the lying, cheating, and most importantly, the abuse. At the time, I fully believed that three hots  and a cot wasn’t a bad thing. In jail, I would get to read as much as I wanted to, I’d get to work out (I would have needed to because I’m sure I would have been fighting every day), and I would lose weight because from what I hear, there’s not much more than ramen and bologna sandwiches in the hole so I was okay with going. Besides that, I would have gotten him back.

Apathy

I’m not going there in this post.

Emptiness

In the book, I’ll tell everything that I did because as I’ve said, for a lot of years, I handed him all he could deal with. He spent many nights scared.

Accountability

Bey’s daddy warned her about men like Jay; my mama warned me about the one I married. So did my brother. I didn’t listen.

Reformation

“But, you are the love of my life.” I can’t honestly say that William was the love of my life because that’s not true. Another person holds that honor. More on him later. A lot on him later.

Forgiveness

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I forgave that man 2000000 times. He messed up 2000001 times. The last time was enough. I’m glad Bey forgave Jay, even if this entire album may be fictional.

Resurrection

There will never be a resurrection of us. There IS an ongoing resurrection of Trease herself.

Hope

No comment.

Redemption

“Then my torturer became my remedy, so we’re gonna heal.” Nope, no we’re not. He will never be my remedy. Never. I am my own redemption.

 

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2 thoughts on “That Lemonade

  1. Intuition. Yep. I often knew before I knew. And yep about him not being the love of my life. Never referred to him as my soulmate either. But the betrayal still hurts. I’m ready to not care.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely, it hurts! That man was definitely not my soulmate, but I tried desperately to make it work. It takes time to just “remember” without it hurting or making you angry, but you’ll get there.

      Like

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