What If I Can’t?

“Old can’t is dead.” There is no way I can remember the number of times my mother said those words to me when I told her I couldn’t do something. It didn’t matter what it was that I felt that I couldn’t do, she refused to let me believe that I actually couldn’t. To be honest, there were plenty of times when I really couldn’t, but she would never say so. The reason for that was because there wasn’t a lot that she couldn’t do herself so she expected no less from me. I lived by that rule for a very long time, but as with most abuse victims, I because to believe that I couldn’t do anything right.

I’ve always been considered smart, both academically and street-wise. I’ve been singing in front of an audience since I was four years old. I’ve never been intimidated by any living human being that I’ve encountered because I fully believe that underneath the skin, we are all the same. I believed that I could do anything I set my mind to and it was years before I began to doubt that.

After years of belittling, hearing how much of a failure I was because of something as simple as missing a spot while I was sweeping or because the toilet overflowed, I started doubting everything about myself. Although my customer service and retention talents were much sought-after as a Claims Adjuster/Representative, constantly hearing that my job wasn’t as important as his because I didn’t make as much started me wondering just why I wasn’t making as much.

It took some major work on myself for my mindset to return to the way it was before I was married and abused. Major work. Always know that you are capable of turning your situation around at any given time. It’s up to you.

I will never say that I’m ashamed for every having felt that way and for doubting myself because I believe that being allowed to feel that way places me in the perfect position to tell other women that they should never, ever, EVER allow anyone else to make them feel less than amazing.

Never allow anyone to tell you that you can’t do whatever you want to do. Most importantly, don’t fill your own head with those thoughts. You’re capable of doing everything you choose to do. Be that woman!

 

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