If I Was to Die Today

By now, everyone knows that I was supposed to die back on July 21, 2009. I suffered a brain hemorrhage and had I not recognized what was happening to me, I would have died in the parking lot of Lowery Freshmen Center in Allen, TX at approximately 10:36 A.M.

I was on bedrest for several months after that thing so I had lots of time to think things over, put them in perspective, and accept some very sobering realizations.

If I Would Have Died on July 21, 2009

  • My son’s world would have crumbled around him. Not only would he have lost his mom that day, he would have been the one to find me in the truck dying. You all know the details of that so there’s no need to go into them. It would have been horrible.
  • My family would have been completely devastated. My sister had lost her companion of 27 years just the year before and had been teetering on the brink of a nervous breakdown over that loss. My nephews, aunts, uncles, and gazillion cousins would have been crushed.
  • I would have left so many dreams unfulfilled, so many goals untouched, and a trail of unfinished projects. At that time, chaos was the order of the day and it was all I could do to survive day-to-day.
  • I would have departed this world as part of a loveless, abusive marriage. The pressures of that marriage were the reason I was in Dallas Presbyterian’s ICU in the first place. Had I died that day, I would have left this world thirsting for real love inside my relationship. From the very core of my soul, I do not believe the man I was married to would have been affected other than the fact that his son’s mother would have died, thereby by causing him pain due to his son’s pain, not because his wife had died.

If I Was to Die Today

  • My son’s world would crumble around him. He would be lost for a while, but I’ve made certain his wings are strong enough for him to fly straight into the eye of a storm and never lose a stroke.
  • My family would be devastated. They would be distraught, true enough, but they would survive.
  • I would have accomplished many, many things. Not all of my dreams have not been fulfilled but the happiness I feel in the pursuit of them is undeniable. I am focused on the things that will enhance my future and make my life what I want it to be.
  • I believe in every single thing about the premise of love. Before, during and after my divorce, I believed that a man could love one woman unconditionally. It’s a fact. I believe that for each person on this planet, there is a soulmate. As it turns out, I’ve known mine my whole life. By definition, a soulmate is someone who is aligned with your soul and is sent to challenge, awaken and stir different parts of you in order for your soul to transcend to a higher level of consciousness and awareness. Once the lesson has been learned, physical separation usually occurs. True enough, we’ve left each other’s lives in the physical sense twice before in our younger days, but always, ALWAYS found our way back to each other. We’ve agreed that there won’t be another separation. A life partner, on the other hand, is a companion, a friend, a stable and secure individual who you can lean on, trust and depend on to help you through life. There is a mutual feeling of love and respect and you are both in sync with each others needs and wants. The true blessing comes when this person is one in the same.

Into the Future

I plan to live a very long time. While I was still hospitalized for the aneurysm, I asked God to allow me to walk this planet until I’m 85 years old. I believe He’s going to grant me that wish. I won’t squander my time and energy on people and/or situations that don’t add happiness, spirit, and worth to my life.

I don’t care if you live to be 100, there is always the possibility that we’ll miss out on doing the things we truly want to do. Don’t let that happen. Live and live hard.

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