To say the past few years have been trying for me and my psyche is an understatement. I’ve made tremendous strides down the road to regaining complete and total independence after my 19-year marriage ended in 2013. I wasn’t always a stay-at-home mother and while I will never regret those years I spent at home with my son, I lost many years in the corporate world. It took me some time, but I finally came to accept the fact that perhaps the corporate workplace is not the one for me. I believe that I am to be out helping people on a broader spectrum, specifically women who are recovering from abusive relationships.
I’ve decided that I’m going make a difference in the lives of women by sharing my experience and helping them move on. I didn’t reach this decision overnight. The ebb and flow from 2013 to the present day helped me decide just what I’ll be doing for the rest of my life.
One of the things I feared most happened on April 5, 2013. My now ex-husband came back to the Allen, TX home we had shared for the previous five-plus years and showed me a copy of the final divorce decree from the 9:30 A.M. appointment that had been scheduled with Judge Nathan E. White at the Collin County courthouse in McKinney. Our written final decree encompassed 40 pages. Yep, 40 pages of what I was to d0, what he was to do, what we were to do, what would become of the house in Denver that we had shared as well as the house in Allen, details of child support and alimony, and all the other little things that needed to be addressed. The previous 19 years of my life had been shrunken down to a 40-page declaration of resolution. While it hurt, I knew it was the best thing for me, him and especially our son who had seen some of the worst fighting any human could have ever witnessed. My son deserved better and so did I.
One of the other things that I have feared since I was old enough to know what fear is happened on October 24, 2013, at 3:17 A.M. I lost the anchor of my life, my mother, Cleal Shine. I’m still in a surreal state regarding her death. I know she’s gone, but it hasn’t really resonated with me that she’s gone. I know I’ll never see her again, but to be honest, it hasn’t really hit me yet that I won’t see her again. I know I’ll never hear her voice again, but it really hasn’t settled in with me that I won’t ever hear her voice again. It’ll take me a minute.
I’ve never been one to let anything keep me down and I’m not about to start now. I’ve stumbled and I’ve fallen. I’ve had the wind knocked out of my sail, and my boat has sunk a couple of times. I have wanted to give up a couple of times but knew that I couldn’t. I’ve made huge gains in getting back on my feet, but the coming year is going to be absolutely amazing. The hunger to be the woman I know I was born to be overshadows the fears that staved off all efforts to succeed in previous years.
The book that I’m writing may not be a best seller, but it will help some woman, somewhere. I’m going to continue to blog in hopes of touching the life of some woman somewhere who may feel alone, lost, and confused. There are two other projects that I’m working on that are efforts to both make money because I like nice things and because my son is in college. I’m more than positive I won’t become rich from any of the things I’m going to do, but I will have the home I so long to. My own home. I will have the peaceful environment I thirst for through my own time and work. My son will have the stability of a permanent address again. I look forward to each and every challenge because I’m up for any of them.