Live long enough and you’ll find yourself in a scuffle. Maybe it’ll be nothing serious. Maybe it’ll turn out to be the fight of your life. Maybe it’ll be something in between. Whatever happens, what matters is your stance in the aftermath.
Sometimes we are pulled into battles that aren’t ours. That happens with family and friends. I will never have a problem standing shoulder-to-shoulder with a loved one. I know they would do the same for me.
Sometimes we walk headlong into battles with our eyes wide open. We find ourselves fighting for a variety of reasons. I have found myself in the throes of all kinds of battles. I have fought for my son, I fought for my marriage, I fought for my very life and most recently, I found myself fighting to regain my footing as an independent woman.
I didn’t always fight fair. I learned how to fight a filthy, mean-spirited battle years ago. and those skills were finely tuned during the years I was married. By no means am I proud of the person that I could be at times during that period but I was, after all, fighting against the prize fighter of dirty.
What I’ve learned is that it matters how you fight, how long you choose to stay in the fight and the position you choose to take once the fight is over.
One of the most important things I’ve learned is that the fight should be about what the fight is actually about. Address things as they happen. Letting things build up and then dumping it all into one ginormous brawl is a surefire recipe for catastrophe. One day, you just explode. You start slinging mud and most times, the other person has no clue that you were even upset over that thing that happened six months ago.
The next most important thing to recognize is when to let the issue go. Enacting the principal of agreeing to disagree will save you many days of headache and heartache. People’s opinions vary. People’s beliefs vary. Except in cases where things are blatantly obvious, like murder or abuse, it’s okay to quell a fight by agreeing to disagree. Go about your business and allow the other person to do the same.
I believe that if you keep things on subject while realizing that you may have to agree to disagree, you’ll be able to stand a little taller when the dust settles.
T. Shine Hinton