Helping the Helper

By now, pretty much everyone knows of the things I went through over the 19 years I was married. Almost everyone knows how excruciating the divorce was. Folks know that I was left holding everything, including packing most of his things because, let him tell it, it was too painful for him.

A lot of people saw me drive those two maximum-sized Uhaul trucks to Louisiana with the help of my brother and a good friend. A lot of people know that I ended in a place that I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to move back to Louisiana. I didn’t want to leave Dallas because I’ve always loved it there. I was there for just over six years, but just like all the years I was in Denver, I never go to know the city. I was too busy stressing and trying to make a marriage work that was doomed to fail from the beginning. I’m going back.

Few people know the real details of the last 20 years. My man is one of them. What God has blessed me with is someone who has not only been gentle with my heart and my feelings, but who has been blatantly honest with me. Yesterday, he pretty much manhandled my feelings. I needed that. He took hold of my feelings and told me, plain and simple, to be done with it. You see, I’ve told friends those same words because I knew they were stuck on the road to recovery. I’ve been brutally honest with my girls because I know that in order to thrive, you have to move forward.

The thing is, I was moving forward physically, but had become stalled again mentally. I fell back into the victim mentality. I began to hear the doubts about my talents and abilities that my ex pounded into my head. Yesterday, my man stepped in and called a flag on the play.

He reminded me that I am a beautiful, fun-loving woman who was the victim. He reminded me that any man would be lucky just to have my attention. He reminded me that I am worthy to be anyone’s wife. He reminded me that my ex took advantage of my love and that he was unworthy. You see, this isn’t about him telling me things I want to hear. He has been my friend since we were children. He is a friend. He is my confidant. Every time I knock a negative ball over the net, he pummels me with a 100 mph truth. He encourages me to keep going. He encourages me to be the woman who another man tried to destroy.

I am eternally grateful for the son that God blessed me with. He never wanted me to move back to Louisiana but he knew that it was necessary. He reminded me that I am the wind beneath his wings. He has been here on winter break and just his presence has lifted me. I soar when above, under and around him because he is what gives me life. He reminds me daily that I can do anything, ANYTHING I set my mind to. We all need to hear an encouraging word now and again.

It is true: sometimes the helper needs helping. They are my helper. You don’t take people like that for granted. You cherish what you have with them.

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One thought on “Helping the Helper

  1. Wow! Your stories are really deep and touching. Isn’t it the truth, how we can help others with their issues, but can’t seem to figure out our own? I am so happy for you to have found someone that is helping you through it all and reminding you of who you are. You are blessed to have him. Happiness to you.

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