Letters, Words, Pages

shameFor years, I hid my story. Part of the reason I took so much time, care, and energy in hiding things was because I was ashamed, afraid of being judged and because I felt so incredibly stupid.

If anyone had asked me during some of the hard times if I regretted marrying that man, I would have said yes. Now, the answer is no. I was married on October 23, 1993 and my only child was born on July 26, 1995. Yes, it’s possible that I would have had a child with another man, maybe even the three that I actually wanted, but none of them would have been the kid I parented with William. I’m pretty humorous and so is my son. Could that have happened if another man had fathered Will? Yeah, because clearly, Will got his sense of humor from me. What wouldn’t have happened is he may not have been as athletically gifted as he is and he may not have had the math skills he has. My side of the family is athletic but his dad’s is blessed with many who are gifted on the professional level.

For the longest time, Will was the only thing I could thank that man for. You couldn’t have told me that all the pain, the heartache, the headache, the lack of gratitude, the instability, the blazing fear of being left – all that mess – would bring me to be the woman I am today. I’m telling my story, on paper, and in other form I can tell it, in an effort to bring another woman to the realization that she is not alone. She is not the only one unsure of who will be walking through the door when she hears that key turn the look. She is not the only one who did her best to hang by his side through drug and alcohol addiction. She is not the only one who was cheated on and then blamed for it. She’s not the only one who endured mental and emotional abuse to the point of numbness.

road-arrow
It’s not about “outing” anyone. That man is my son’s father. Their relationship is still incredibly strained but they are trying. It’s about letting that woman know that even though she is currently in the throes of hell, there is an “after”. The “after” can seem miles away but it’s there. The best thing about the “after” is that it can pretty much be a clean canvas. Some things can’t be changed. Maybe you won’t be able to change jobs or move to a new city. For me, nearly everything changed. I moved back to Louisiana, I finally realized the field that I supposed to be in and I finally stopped fighting the woman who had been trapped so far beneath the surface. I’m on a mission to help my sister-friend. Hang tight.

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3 thoughts on “Letters, Words, Pages

  1. I look forward to following along on your journey, and I want to personally welcome you to the world of elementary education. Our children need passionate, committed, intelligent, and loving guides who are not afraid of hard work and obstacles.

    I want to invite you to visit my blog, where I write about education, life after divorce, and other topics that may be of interest to you, based on what I see on your wonderful blog.

    BB

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    1. Thank you SO very much! I truly appreciated the kind words. I am on a mission to help as many women as I can. Life can be good. It SHOULD be good! I’ll be sure to follow you, too.

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      1. I’ve been reading post after post of yours and the love you have for your family shines through so beautifully. The scrapbook page of your mother is gorgeous, as is the photo of your handsome son with his precious baby girl. You have filled my heart this morning. Thank you.

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