If anyone had asked me during some of the hard times if I regretted marrying that man, I would have said yes. Now, the answer is no. I was married on October 23, 1993 and my only child was born on July 26, 1995. Yes, it’s possible that I would have had a child with another man, maybe even the three that I actually wanted, but none of them would have been the kid I parented with William. I’m pretty humorous and so is my son. Could that have happened if another man had fathered Will? Yeah, because clearly, Will got his sense of humor from me. What wouldn’t have happened is he may not have been as athletically gifted as he is and he may not have had the math skills he has. My side of the family is athletic but his dad’s is blessed with many who are gifted on the professional level.
For the longest time, Will was the only thing I could thank that man for. You couldn’t have told me that all the pain, the heartache, the headache, the lack of gratitude, the instability, the blazing fear of being left – all that mess – would bring me to be the woman I am today. I’m telling my story, on paper, and in other form I can tell it, in an effort to bring another woman to the realization that she is not alone. She is not the only one unsure of who will be walking through the door when she hears that key turn the look. She is not the only one who did her best to hang by his side through drug and alcohol addiction. She is not the only one who was cheated on and then blamed for it. She’s not the only one who endured mental and emotional abuse to the point of numbness.
It’s not about “outing” anyone. That man is my son’s father. Their relationship is still incredibly strained but they are trying. It’s about letting that woman know that even though she is currently in the throes of hell, there is an “after”. The “after” can seem miles away but it’s there. The best thing about the “after” is that it can pretty much be a clean canvas. Some things can’t be changed. Maybe you won’t be able to change jobs or move to a new city. For me, nearly everything changed. I moved back to Louisiana, I finally realized the field that I supposed to be in and I finally stopped fighting the woman who had been trapped so far beneath the surface. I’m on a mission to help my sister-friend. Hang tight.